Growing up as an Indian woman meant listening to some aunt's comment at every wedding. 'Lose a little weight.' 'Your complexion isn't very fair, is it?' 'This outfit won't suit your figure.' We normalize these comments — but they are not normal. Identifying this toxicity, then challenging it, is the first step of body positivity.
I remember a friend — Riya. She was in Class 8 when her mother told her to stop eating rotis. 'We'll join a gym after your exams,' her mother said, as if a 14-year-old girl's weight was their most pressing concern. After that day, Riya started eating her lunch hidden away during break time. It was a small moment — but its impact lasted for years. She told me once, sitting over chai in our college hostel, 'I still feel guilty every time I eat something I actually enjoy.' That guilt had a name, and it was given to her.
Indian Beauty Standards — Where They Come From
Colorism has deep roots in India — connected to colonial history, caste system, and class hierarchies. 'Fair' complexion was associated with 'upper class' and 'purity'. Products like Fair and Lovely commercialized this further. Even today matrimonial ads say 'fair bride wanted' — this is systemic, not individual.
When the British came to India, they did not just rule the country — they imposed beauty standards too. Fair skin meant civilized. Dark skin meant primitive. This narrative became so deeply embedded that decades later we still teach it to our own children. Grandmothers say — 'Don't go out in the sun, you'll get dark.' It sounds like an innocent thing. But behind it lie years of conditioning, of being taught that your natural melanin is something to be ashamed of.
Body size standards are equally damaging. Thin = healthy, beautiful, successful — this narrative is entirely false. But from Bollywood to media, thin bodies are glorified everywhere. And those who do not fit this standard face constant judgment. A South Indian actress once said in an interview — 'I was asked to lose 10 kg for a role. I asked why. They said — you'll look better on camera.' Better on camera. As if that were a woman's greatest achievement.
What Body Positivity Is — and Is Not
Body positivity does not mean ignoring your health. It means respecting your body in its current state, caring for it, and being at peace with it. You can work toward being healthier — but from self-love, not self-hate. The motivation matters as much as the action.
Body positivity also does not mean 'everything is fine.' It is also a political movement that challenges fat-phobia, colorism, ableism, and size discrimination. It is the recognition that beauty standards are narrow, exclusive, and harmful. It says — your worth is not measured by your waist size.
There is also an important distinction worth knowing — body positivity versus body neutrality. Body positivity says: love your body. Body neutrality says: you don't have to love your body every single day, just respect it. Both are valid. Both have their place. The day you simply don't hate your body — that day is also a win. Start there if you need to.
Kavita Joshi, Body Image Counsellor"Most clients who come to me have no medical issue — they hate their body. And this hate did not come from within them — society taught it to them. Unlearning is my job. One client told me, 'I have never looked at myself fully in a mirror.' She was 25 years old. She had spent her entire childhood hiding — from pools, from photos, from her own reflection. That is not vanity. That is grief."
When Family Is the Biggest Problem
In India, the most painful source of body shaming is often inside the home itself. A mother who diets alongside her daughter. A father who says — 'You're getting to marrying age, you should take care of yourself.' A grandfather who remarks at every meeting — 'You've grown, and so has the weight.' All of this is said with affection — but affection and harm can exist together. That is one of the hardest things to untangle.
In joint family systems, it gets even more complicated. Everyone is watching everyone else. Comments at the dining table, comments while choosing clothes, comments on festival photos. A reader once messaged me — 'My grandmother looked at my Diwali photo and said — look a little slimmer next time.' Reading that message made my chest feel heavy. Because I have been that girl. Most of us have.
Priya, 29, Delhi"Every Dussehra, we would visit my maternal grandparents. It was always the same ritual — touch the elders' feet, then wait for my grandfather's assessment. 'She's gotten a bit round.' One year I decided I was done absorbing it. I smiled, walked away, and ate a second helping of kheer. That Dussehra was the best one I remember."
How to Unlearn — Practical Steps
Unfollow social media accounts that make you feel insecure. This includes 'fitspo' accounts, fairness product accounts, and constant body-shaming content. Instead, follow accounts that celebrate diverse bodies, plus-size fashion, and dark skin appreciation. It sounds simple, but your feed shapes your reality in quiet ways — the images you see daily become the standard you unconsciously measure yourself against.
Change the language of compliments. When someone loses weight, instead of 'you have become so thin' say 'you look great' — without commenting on their body. And avoid commenting on others' bodies at all — even a positive comment is still judging a body. 'How are you so slim?' is also a judgment. It suggests that thinness is exceptional, worth remarking on. It is not.
Change your relationship with the mirror. Every time you look at yourself and a negative thought surfaces — acknowledge it, then argue back. Instead of 'my thighs are too big' try 'my thighs carried me through that entire hill trek last monsoon.' This gratitude practice feels strange at first — even a little performative. Do it anyway. The thoughts we practice become the thoughts we believe.
Skin Care and Body Positivity
Do not approach skin care as punishment or 'fixing'. 'I need to become fair' or 'I need to hide these dark spots' — this approach is harmful. Instead approach it with 'I want to keep my skin healthy and nourished.' This subtle shift makes a bigger difference than you think. One is rooted in shame. The other is rooted in care.
Stay away from fairness and whitening products. These often contain harmful chemicals — mercury, hydroquinone — which cause long-term damage in exchange for short-term lightening. And buying these products is funding the colorism industry. Being at peace with your dark skin — that is the real skin care.
Wearing sunscreen is about protecting your skin from sun damage — not about becoming fairer. That distinction is important. When you see sunscreen as skin protection, your relationship with it stays healthy. When you use it hoping to lighten your skin, you are back inside that same insecurity loop. Same product, very different energy.
Clothes and Body Positivity — Reclaiming Fashion
You have the right to wear what you like — right now, in this body. 'I'll wear that dress once I lose 5 kg' — stop waiting. Wear the dress now. Life is happening right now. Your body is worthy of celebration today, not on some future date when it conforms to a standard someone else invented.
Sarees, salwar kameez, lehenga — Indian clothes were designed for every body type. Their beauty lies in exactly that — they look different and uniquely gorgeous on every figure. Follow plus-size Indian fashion bloggers. Watch how they move through markets, try on dupattas, laugh over chai, and inhabit their clothes with total ease. They are not waiting for a different body to start living.
For the Next Generation
If you have children at home — daughter or son — do not use the language of body shame in front of them. Do not speak negatively about your own body. Children are always listening, even when you think they are not. When a mother says 'I am too fat,' a daughter internalizes it as a truth about herself. When a father says 'that woman is fat,' a son learns that fat is something to be ashamed of, something to mock.
Celebrate the diverse representation of beauty. Appreciate dark-skinned actresses. Follow plus-size models. Normalize stretch marks, cellulite, body hair — show these as ordinary parts of ordinary bodies. Because all of this is normal. We must not pass on to the next generation the insecurities that were inherited by us. We are the ones who must break this chain.
And the most important thing of all — give yourself grace. This journey is not easy. Decades of conditioning do not disappear in a day. There will be mornings you look in the mirror and the old critical voice comes back. That moment is not your failure — it is the failure of the system that taught you to see yourself that way in the first place. Every day, try to be a little kinder to yourself. That is enough. That is, actually, everything.
